Time for tie-dye to die
By Ella Seltzer
My message this week is short and simple; this isn’t summer camp, tie-dye is dead. This may sound very small and insignificant but I swear, the bane of my existence is tie-dye, any form, any color, and style. So, if you’re reading this, looking down, and realizing your outfit is marred by some awful tie-dye shirt, please keep reading, then burn the shirt.
I have no idea where this sudden resurgence of wearing tie-dye as a non-ironic, non-summer camp outfit look came from, but it needs to end. Look, I get the appeal of a tie-dye shirt, except forever and only in the context of “this is a shirt I tie-dyed myself at arts and crafts, at camp.” Besides that, there is literally no other acceptable occasion to wear tie-dye. I cannot even condone wearing tie-dye as just a throw-on t-shirt to the gym, because it has just gotten too out of hand. Every damn time I go into the gym, all I see is a sea of different colored tie-dye, like a colorful vomit of artificially dyed shirts. Maybe the appeal comes from thinking since a tie-dye shirt incorporates all the colors, it just has to match with everything in that case. Well, the hard truth is not only does it not match despite the many colors, it just plain clashes with any possible outfit.
So, after this probably too drawn out tangent on the revolting properties of tie-dye, and why it makes my eyes hurt to look at, I will make up for it. I have compiled a mini-guide to all acceptable and cute prints, as an alternative to your sad, old, hand-made, tie-dyed shirt. Lately, I have been obsessed with animal print clothing. I used to run in the complete other direction from anything resembling an animal-type print, but somehow I’ve been turned. The best kind of animal-print to look for are the ones that look least like animal, with smaller, less in your face patterns that make cute animal-esque print. A small, simple floral pattern also works just as well: you get the cute pattern look, but with something soft and not too big or in your face. I am hesitant to condone stripes, as I am aggressively particular with which kinds are acceptable. A thin and widely-spaced striped pattern in a good guide to not look like a striped prison uniform, but my all-time favorite is vertical stripes. If all you can take from this is to stop wearing tie-dye, that is good enough for me, but some of these truly are great patterns to shop for, for the upcoming spring style season.